A Still Moment

I am a Type A personality, I will admit it. I am probably borderline OCD as well. I like organization what can I say? Granted, that tends to get me into trouble. It makes little non important things turn into stressors which can cause me to just shut down. I have recognized this and have found a way to handle those (shout out to Confinaza; you are a life-saver). That doesn't always mean things are peachy keen and little things don't ever bother me. They still do; it just takes more of them, or sometimes being told I have seven more responsibilities than I originally thought. 

You are probably thinking, so say something; that won't know unless you tell them. You know, I give that advise often to other people (most that I know can definitely follow through with it), but I can't even take my own advise.

I am not a person that likes confrontation. It isn't in my DNA to approach someone and tell them this, that, and the other thing. I don't like it; it makes me sick to my stomach. I instantly think I am going to insure that wrath of someone. I don't think that it will ever be something that I am good at. That said, I find God always manages to create a circumstance for me where I need to either confront someone or embrace the situation I have been given and roll with the punches. 

Wouldn't you know God finds a way to remind me of that lesson the moment I get comfortable or think I have it all figured out. Welcome to my Sunday arrival at camp. 

I came to camp thinking I had my job all figured out that I had everything in order for what I needed to be accomplishing for the next two weeks. I had mentally prepared for that stress when God threw a curveball. I was given several more responsibilities that I wasn't aware I was going to get. Needless to  say I felt the affects of those added tasks by dinner tonight. I hate the feeling of being stretched thin and feeling like I am losing control or am failing everyone. And quite honestly that is exactly how I felt. I had failed. People were expecting so much of me, and I was letting them down. I felt so dishearten. I knew I needed to step away and gather my thoughts. 

God waited till that moment to offer his hand and remind me of something I was missing.

Him.

I had been trying alone to do this. I had been focusing on ME getting the work done. I needed to be focusing on what He wanted me to be getting done. What he seen as important and not what Ali saw as important. That epiphany of, this isn't about me getting it right or perfect, that it is about relying on God and His provision. Then he took it another step further; James 1:1-6. Let me just give you that first ish section: "Consider it pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds." It was right there; it had always been there. Joy. We will all face trials, but we should face them with joy (It goes on to say because it creates perseverance, and perseverance wisdom). How many of us can say that they first emotions we go to is joy? If you said I can, you are a liar. Most of us, would say it is frustration or maybe even annoyance. Mine definitely is frustration, very rarely is it ever joy. God knows what the best solution is, and is just waiting for us to ask him for help. We just forget to ask. I did. No where in my day did I seek his help until I felt discouraged and dishearten and frustrated. It didn't need to come to that. I just needed to step away and enter the quiet recess of my thoughts and he would have come then and there.

My first trial (I know that there will probably be more) this week is pretty clear. It isn't about perfection, but doing it with pure joy. And why should I be joyful knowing that God is on my side and right there to catch whatever I can't carry.

I'll leave you with this:

We can't know the depth of our character until we see how we react under pressure. I hope that how I react the rest of this week it out of grace and humility as well as genuine joy.